


phototropism

by moo_lan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Betaed, Fluff, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Humor, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23679241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moo_lan/pseuds/moo_lan
Summary: Kenma's new apartment was a package deal. It came with a dead rat. A weird smell.And a cute neighbor.updated every Monday
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou (mentioned), Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 117
Kudos: 202





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a million thank-yous to the amazing [TheOwlPost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOwlPost/pseuds/TheOwlPost) for beta-reading this!!

Kenma’s new apartment had a peculiar smell.

That was the first thing he noticed when he crossed the threshold, cardboard box in his hands. Kuroo peered over his shoulder and glanced inside the room. He wrinkled his nose.

“What’s that stench?”

Shrugging, Kenma made his way inside, placing the box on a table and looking around him. The apartment was fairly small, but he still didn’t need this much space. Just an area for his video games and maybe somewhere to sleep. The latter wasn’t that important, though; he was satisfied with the couch as long as he could have a gaming room.

Lev darted out of one of the rooms, grinning from ear to ear. Kenma was instantly wary. 

He was quickly proved right, as soon as his cheerful friend opened his mouth to speak.

“Guys, look what I found!” he exclaimed, dangling _something_ in front of them.

It was a dead rat.

Whole face scrunched up in disgust, Kenma turned away and headed to the kitchen; he trusted Yaku to keep Lev _contained_.

“Lev, drop that!” resounded Yaku’s voice, and Kenma hummed to himself, satisfied with being proved right twice in a row.

It didn’t take them very long to make the place relatively presentable, getting rid of (most of) the dust and improvising a place for Kenma to sleep that night. Soon enough, it was dark outside and it was only Kuroo and Kenma in the apartment.

Slouched on the tattered couch that took up most of what Kenma liked to call his ‘living room’ -although it was probably as small as a medium-sized bathroom-, Kuroo lazily hummed as he stared at the ceiling.

“Hey, didja see you have a cute neighbour?” he slurred, the late hour considerably diminishing all that was suave of his mien.

Kenma didn’t even spare his friend a glance as he continued playing ‘Super Mario Galaxy’ (the theme song was really starting to grate against Kuroo’s ears). In fact, he _had_ caught a glimpse of that particular neighbour, but Kuroo didn’t necessarily need to know that. After all, the last time he’d tried to set Kenma up with someone hadn’t gone all that well. He hummed a negative response.

“Huh,” Kuroo yawned, stretching like a cat and then slumping back against the couch’s pillows. Not long after that, he was snoring.

Blearily staring at the screen, Kenma ignored his building fatigue and kept playing, and his blinks became more and more prolonged until his eyes stayed closed and he was curled up in front of the TV, his cheek squished against the game console.

☼

Sunlight filtered through the curtains and set the inside of Kenma’s eyelids ablaze. Faintly groaning, he flipped over and stared up at the ceiling. Flinched. Kuroo grinned at him unabashedly, his face blocking most of Kenma's view. 

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!” he greeted, cheerfully and _way too loud for before noon_.

Kenma grumbled and stuffed his face in the crook of his arm.

Laughing -or more like _cackling_ , this was Kuroo afterall-, the black-haired menace walked over to the kitchen. A pleasant smell soon drifted in, and Kenma found himself standing up.

“Is that… apple pie I smell?” He sniffed the air once, then a second time for good measure.

“Yes, and the best kind. The convenience store kind.” 

Kuroo pushed the plate on the table towards him, and Kenma deftly caught it. Convenience store apple pie wasn’t the best kind by far, but he said nothing; he was too busy taking a large bite out of the fat slice he’d received.

“So, Kenma,” started Kuroo, but the look on Kenma’s face stopped him.

“Don’t. Don’t set me up with someone.”

“Ugh, but” -he dragged his hands through his already messy hair- “it would be so fun. Remember when Akaashi asked me (begged me) not to try to get him a boyfriend? Look how happy he’s with Bokuto now!”

True enough. But Kenma didn’t need a _boyfriend_. He’d only get distracted from his beloved ~~video games~~ job.

Shaking his head, he continued munching on the piece of apple pie.

“Alright then,” shrugged Kuroo, but Kenma knew him well enough that he could tell this was in no way the end of this discussion, and Kuroo would try again later; or worse, he’d do it behind Kenma’s back.

Kenma had no idea who he was kidding. Of course Kuroo would just go behind his back.  
  
Yet, he said nothing, only waving goodbye as his friend left the apartment to go to work.

Pie finished and plate empty, Kenma stood up and stretched, relishing in the feeling of his terribly sore muscles being somewhat relieved from all the tension they had suffered. He really had a sedentary lifestyle. Time to get to work. There were many boxes left to unpack, and he probably needed to wash the floor; it still smelled weird in the apartment.

He walked to the small balcony he would probably make no use of, ever, and pulled open the curtains. Stepped outside. The sun was shining, and the air was clearly much cleaner than the inside of the apartment. He inhaled deeply, leaning on the rail and glancing around the surroundings.

All of the complex was well-maintained and pretty, his pretty much insanitary apartment being the exception. There was a pair of apple trees in bloom, and their branches reached high enough that the pleasant scent wafted towards him. He found himself smiling at the beauty of the morning.

A sudden flash of colour caught his eye, and then he was staring at a neighbour standing in a balcony facing him. The teen had sunny hair and was smiling at someone inside his apartment, the latter invisible from where Kenma was standing.

It was the neighbour he and Kuroo had seen the day before. The boy laughed, loudly and merrily; he turned, grinning widely, and they were suddenly staring at each other. The neighbour tilted his head, his expression curious and open. Kenma froze, heart hammering in his chest.

Before he knew what he was doing, Kenma was darting inside his apartment, and hiding behind the wall. Once he was invisible from the boy’s eyes, he allowed himself to slide against the wall to the ground, covering his face with his hands and inhaling deeply.

Damn it.

His neighbour really _was_ very cute.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think more than half of this chapter is in text format... oops?  
> yeah, this is an exception, this fic won't be a text-style one; just some parts of it??  
> (plus the formatting is a _pain_ ahaha)

The keyboard was suspiciously crusty under his fingertips, yet Kenma paid it no mind; the quick play had turned quite… intense. On the other side of the line, he could hear the people in the Discord server cuss, scream, and… was someone _crying?_ The payload stopped moving, the timer ran out, and they had won.

Excited cheers erupted in his headset, and Kenma found himself smiling. There was one especially cheerful voice among the general mayhem, and the blonde involuntarily sought to separate him from the rest. The user ‘crows-are-awesome’ always seemed to shine brighter than the rest.

A sudden ‘ping’ sounded, and he turned his attention to the laptop’s screen. On the window open, there was a notification: a friend request from a certain ‘crows-are-awesome’. Kenma’s breath stuttered. They hadn’t really talked that much, and even when they had been having a conversation, it wasn’t exactly a dialogue. More like the boy on the other side babbling excitedly while Kenma provided the ‘conversation’ with the necessary ‘hm’ and ‘really?’.

He _had_ certainly been paying more attention than necessary to everything the other boy said, but ‘crows-are-awesome’ had no way of knowing that, right? Hesitating for a few moments, mouse pointer hovering above the other’s profile picture, Kenma took a deep breath. Then clicked ‘accept’.

A couple of moments passed with no sounds except the chatter in the server, then another ‘ping’ sounded.

8:56 PM **crows-are-awesome** hi!!!

Kenma’s fingers suddenly lost the ability to type. What was he supposed to say? ‘Hi’, ‘Hey’, ‘Hello’? ‘Yo’? He was seriously debating whether he should just click ‘offline’ and pretend that he had shut down the laptop, but he was still in the call- he’d have to say goodbye before leaving, and wouldn’t that draw too much attention to him? Should he just pretend his internet had gone down and leave the call? Or should he-

A chime. He glanced at the screen.

8:57 PM **crows-are-awesome** that game was awesome, wasn’t it?? 

8:57 PM **crows-are-awesome** i was like _boom_ and _pew pew_ and then bokuto-san was like _zoom_!!!

‘Zoom’? ‘Pew Pew’? What language was he speaking?

8:57 PM **crows-are-awesome** i’m shouyou btw!!!

This time Kenma didn’t let himself hesitate, typing a reply before his overthinking caught up to him.

9:00 PM **kodzuken** i’m kenma

9:00 PM **crows-are-awesome** ooh, kenma??? nice to meet you!!

Sudden noise erupted in the server and Kenma realized that he had missed a whole conversation, and he had a sinking feeling that it would have provided him with an occasion to leave. Almost all of the people were gone, and it was just him and ~~‘crows-are-awesome’~~ Shouyou left in the call. 

Cold spread up from his stomach, along his arms and blooming in his fingertips. His stomach churned, then balled up, pushing up against the base of his throat. His mouth tasted bitter. He dragged the mouse closer to him. Would it be terribly impolite if he just left without saying anything? As the silence stretched on, he moved the mouse so that the mouse pointer hovered above the ‘disconnect call’ button. 

“Hey, Kenma, what do you usually play?” chirped Shouyou, and Kenma gulped down the sigh of relief that almost escaped him.

“Uh, mostly Breath of the Wild. Some Mario Galaxy too,” he breathed a shallow breath, his stomach tight as he attempted to ensure his breathing remained as silent as possible. How much did his microphone pick up, anyway? Why hadn’t he tested it before joining the call?

“No way!” exclaimed Shouyou, loudly enough for Kenma to jolt, startled. “You don’t play only Overwatch? How come you’re so good at it, then?” his excited chatter soon took a turn for a whine; however, to his own surprise, Kenma actually found it cute.

“Um. I used to play a lot of shooters in high school?” 

Damn it. He hadn’t meant for the sentence to turn into a question halfway.

“Ooh, I usually played a lot of Sonic the Hedgehog in highschool! Kageyama, though you probably know him as the user ‘milk’, always told me I suked at it, but _I_ think I was pretty good!”

Silence once again settled between them. If they would’ve been in a group, he would’ve just let someone else answer. Yet, they were alone. How was he supposed to keep the conversation flowing? Would it be awkward if he just stayed quiet? What did he need to say so he could leave while also drawing as little attention as possible to himself? What would Kuroo do in this situation? Or Lev? Or Bokuto? He was the one who personally knew Shouyou, afterall. Did he need to-

“Oh, no way!” exclaimed Shouyou, and there was an edge of annoyance in his voice.

“What is it?” Unconsciously, Kenma had leaned forward, until his nose was almost touching the screen.

“My cactus is dead! I can’t believe I haven’t noticed it till now…” his pout was audible. “Sorry, Kenma. I gotta go bury Spike.”

_He named his cactus? Is that weird or cute?_

“Ok. Uh, good luck?”

“Thanks, see ya,”

Shouyou disconnected and Kenma was alone in the call. He hung up as well and shut down his laptop, staring at it as its wheezes filled the room. Soon it was completely turned off, the apartment now seeming empty and quiet.

Leaning back in his chair, Kenma stared up at the ceiling. It was the first time he was actually lonely in his own home.

☼

It was past midnight and Kenma was (as always) awake, when Shouyou messaged him again.

3:00 AM **crows-are-awesome** hey, u awake???

3:02 AM **kodzuken** yeah

3:02 AM **crows-are-awesome** [picture]

3:02 AM **kodzuken** is

3:02 AM **kodzuken** is that a cardboard coffin

3:02 AM **kodzuken** with roses on it

3:02 AM **kodzuken** ?

3:03 AM **crows-are-awesome** rip spike the fifth, 3/20/2020-4/15/2020

3:03 AM **kodzuken** the fifth

3:03 AM **kodzuken** no

3:03 AM **kodzuken** wait

3:03 AM **kodzuken** you only had him a _month?_

3:04 AM **crows-are-awesome** the most beautiful month of my life

3:04 AM **kodzuken** you mean like the halcyon of your life?

3:05 AM **crows-are-awesome** halcyon???

3:05 AM **kodzuken** adjective: **halcyon** denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful.

3:05 AM **crows-are-awesome** wow, kenma ur so smart!!!

3:05 AM **crows-are-awesome** do you go to a lit college??

Pushing back the laptop, Kenma slouched against the couch cushions. That had gotten uncomfortably close to home pretty fast. He took a deep breath and settled closer to the screen. Shouyou had written more messages in the meantime.

3:06 AM **crows-are-awesome** lit colleges are awesome from what i’ve heard

3:06 AM **crows-are-awesome** i have a friend who goes 2 one and it’s so pretty!!!

3:06 AM **crows-are-awesome** i wouldn’t wanna go to one tho cause i don’t wanna give up volleyball!!!

3:06 AM **crows-are-awesome** do u like volleyball, kenma??

Face scrunched up, Kenma’s hands hesitated above the keyboard. A wave of disappointment washed over him, pushing away whatever relief he might have usually felt. Why would he want to share something that private with someone he had just started messaging? Batting away the confusion, he turned his attention fully to the laptop.

3:08 AM **kodzuken** i used to play in highschool

3:08 AM **crows-are-awesome** woooah!!!

3:08 AM **crows-are-awesome** and were u good??

3:09 AM **kodzuken** i wasn’t particularly good, but our team was strong

A proud grin took over his face, and Kenma was very close to using a smug emoji for the first time. His high school team hadn’t been just _good_ , but they had reached Nationals every year.

3:09 AM **crows-are-awesome** no way!!! 

3:09 AM **crows-are-awesome** did u go 2 nationals??

3:10 AM **kodzuken** yeah

3:10 AM **crows-are-awesome** wow!!!

3:10 AM **crows-are-awesome** we might’ve played against each other!!!

3:10 AM **crows-are-awesome** what team were u??

3:11 AM **kodzuken** nekoma

3:12 AM **crows-are-awesome** i don’t think we met...

3:12 AM **crows-are-awesome** ╥﹏╥

A yawn escaped Kenma and he blinked his eyes repeatedly. Usually he went to sleep at four in the morning; why was he tired?

3:12 AM **crows-are-awesome** oh shit

3:13 AM **kodzuken** ? 

3:13 AM **kodzuken** what is it?

3:14 AM **crows-are-awesome** kageyama is here 

3:14 AM **crows-are-awesome** oh no he’s yelling 

3:14 AM **crows-are-awesome** gtg, we have training tomorrow

3:14 AM **crows-are-awesome** see ya later?

The corners of Kenma’s lips quirked up in a small smile.

3:15 AM **kodzuken** sure.

3:15 AM **crows-are-awesome** (*꧆▽꧆*) (*꧆▽꧆*)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um. yeah. you might've already noticed this, but this lil' fic here will be a Neighbor AU & Internet Friends AU mashup kinda thingy? tell me your thoughts on it?


	3. Chapter 3

Kenma woke up to the muffled sounds of yelling. 

Blinking groggily against the blinding rays of midday sun, he pushed himself up in a sitting position. He’d once again fallen asleep _almost_ on the couch; that is, next to it, curled up in a bundle of blankets on the floor.

Swaying slightly as he stood up, Kenma dragged his feet towards the window. Opened it and stared outside, looking around the environs in an attempt to glimpse the source of shouting. 

A shriek caught his attention, and his neighbour darted by the open doors of the balcony, in a brief and sudden flash of colour. His roommate stomped after him, waving a tattered book above his head and yelling angrily.

“Hinata, you damn _idiot_!” he bellowed, and the orange-haired teen only laughed as he eschewed a swift punch directed his way.

Unconcerned, Hinata guffawed, making his escape by hastily grabbing a key, exiting on the balcony and closing the doors behind him. He locked them and leaned against them, breathing happily and tittering as his angry roommate shouted at him through the glass.

Kenma pushed down an amused smile, and that was when their eyes met.

Hinata’s eyes widened in surprise and he managed a small wave before the doors were opened and he was pulled inside by the collar with a brusque motion. Taken aback, Kenma stared outside for a couple more moments before walking away from the window and heading to the kitchen to make his ~~breakfast~~ lunch.

☼

“Bomb, bomb, _bomb, there’s a bomb!_ ” screeched someone in the call, yet Kenma couldn’t tell who it was.

That was because he was too busy gritting his teeth in frustration. The warning shout had been just after the bomb had detonated and he had been killed. Pretty useless. He bit his tongue to keep himself from saying anything ~~that could be taken as~~ snide.

Instead, he waited to be respawned, hearing his teammates holler in his headset as all hell was breaking loose around them. Why had they decided to play this game again?

The timer ran out and his screen shone with the message that they had won. Cheers erupted, and even Kenma smiled.

Oh, that's why they still played it regularly.

“Well guys, I gotta go. I’ve got the economics final exam tomorrow, and let me tell you- I’m totally gonna fail,” laughed Kuroo.

Almost everybody laughed at this, although most of them knew that Kuroo had straight A’s in economics. Kenma, at least, was aware that it was his friend’s favourite subject.

This time, when everybody was leaving the call, Kenma had been attentive enough not to miss this chance. He disconnected, with no anxiety filling him as he managed to draw very little to no attention to himself.

He clicked the ‘Do Not Disturb’ button and opened the window containing his current assignment. Even if he hadn’t attended a literature college like almost everybody had wanted him to, he was taking an online course on game design; the workload was impressive, to say the least.

Shortly after midnight, Kenma had finally finished his programming task. He nestled the laptop between his knees and settled more comfortably against the inside arm of the couch. He opened the window of his chat with Shouyou and switched his ‘Do Not Disturb’ status to ‘Online’.

He wasn’t disappointed. After only ten minutes, a familiar chime sounded and his screen showed that Shouyou had messaged him.

1:03 AM **crows-are-awesome** hi!!

**crows-are-awesome** how r u??

**crows-are-awesome** wanna watch a movie??

Pulling his headphones towards him, Kenma typed a hurried affirmative. Just when he’d connected the headset, Shouyou was calling him. Fear didn’t have the time to engulf him before he’d clicked ‘Accept’.

“Hi.” Shouyou’s voice was breathy and Kenma was suddenly regretting his choice.

“Hey,” he replied, struggling to keep his breathing quiet. Why did he suddenly feel the need to cough? “What do you want to watch?”

“Hm~” he stayed silent for a couple of moments before speaking again. “How about Legend of the Guardians?”

After googling it, Kenma was left feeling confused.

“Is that… the one about owls?” he hesitatingly asked.

“Yep!” Shouyou replied, and Kenma could _hear_ him nod excitedly.

“Uh, sure. Why not?”

After ninety-seven minutes of silence punctuated by gasps and angry exclamations from Shouyou, both of them were crying their eyes out.

“I… I really wasn’t expecting that,” sniffled Kenma, trying to keep his crying as quiet as possible.

Shouyou, on the other hand, had no qualms about loudly wailing.

“This-” he noisily inhaled, the sound wet. “-This is the fourth time I’ve seen it. ‘S still painful.”

“The- the _fourth time?_ ”

“Mhm.” Shouyou seemed to be wiping his nose, considering the rustling now filling Kenma’s ears. “Didja like it?”

“Yeah.”

The response was pretty straightforward, for Kenma at least. However, Shouyou had no way of knowing that. Fully expecting his newfound friend to make fun of his somewhat cold reply or, worse, huff in indignation and cool their relationship, Kenma braced himself.

“Really? That’s great!” exclaimed Shouyou, and the weight was lifted from the blonde’s shoulders. “What do you wanna watch next time?”

Kenma groggily blinked at the screen, pulling the soft blanket closer around him until only his face was visible.

“Hm…” Absentmindedly scratching his throat, Kenma searched his mind for an answer. He came up empty. “Dunno. Anything is fine with me.”

Only silence greeted him on the other end.

“... Shouyou? You there?”

A clatter, then a crash. Muffled snickering, then shrieking.

“I’m here, I’m here. Kageyama was looking for his milk, so I… helped him,” said Shouyou breathlessly.

Well, that sounded mildly threatening.

Half-asleep despite the early hour (for him), Kenma gave a half-suppressed, small, laugh. He froze when silence once again took over the other end of the line.

“That,” breathed Shouyou, “That was _really_ cute.”

Screaming erupted in Kenma’s mind. He pulled the blanket over his head, as if to hide his blush. Even though it was invisible to his companion.

“Thanks,” he slurred, managing to sound not even half as bashful as he was feeling. Good job, brain.

As Shouyou laughed, strangely shy compared to usual, Kenma’s internal screaming stuttered, then resumed in full force.

An awful din sounded on Shouyou’s end of the line, then a shout. Kenma pitied their neighbours. 

“Oh. Looks like Kageyama found his milk,” laughed Shouyou. “Gotta go.”

Kenma huffed a small laugh, then hung up. Curling up on the sofa, it didn’t take him long to fall asleep and dream of bright laughter and sun shining from his laptop’s screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made a discord server! if anyone wants to chat, they're more than welcome to join!!  
> [this](https://discord.gg/GFkU4cr) is the link, or you can just copy this text:  
> https://discord.gg/GFkU4cr


	4. Chapter 4

Kenma’s phone had been vibrating angrily for some time, and, slightly intimidated, he hesitated for a couple of moments before picking up. It was Kuroo. Scrolling through the messages and only skim-reading them, he decided to do the easy thing. He pressed the call button.

“Kuro?” his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat.

“Kenma?” Someone was shouting in the background and Kuroo had to yell to make himself heard. “How come you’re awake? Bokuto, bro, I love you, but if you keep screaming I’ll punch you and you’ll have to go to your date with a purple lip.” The background noise at once muted. “Kenma, wanna hang out tomorrow night with Bokuto and the others?”

A decisive ‘no’ was on the tip of Kenma’s tongue, but he swallowed it hearing that Bokuto would be there. The ~~owl~~ boy knew Shouyou, right?

“Sure,” Kenma said. “I guess.” No need to seem too eager.

“What?” Shock had seeped into Kuroo’s voice; he probably didn’t even realize he’d been quite loud. He cleared his throat and tried again, visibly subsided. “Really?”

“Um. Yeah?”

As moments of silence kept stretching on, Kenma began to thoroughly regret having accepted.

“Really?” he repeated loudly, startling Kenma and making him flinch. “Really, that’s great! I’ll send you the details now or- no, wait! I’ll come over tonight and tell you!”

 _You don’t need to,_ was what Kenma desperately wanted to say, but, instead, he found himself murmuring a small ‘ok’. Kuroo was surprisingly sensitive about this stuff and the last thing Kenma wanted to do was hurt his best friend.

Hanging up, he slumped back against the couch cushions. Heaved a deep sigh. The laptop was right next to him and he pulled it close to him, picking it up and sitting down at his desk to play some random games.

It hadn’t even been ten minutes when a chime sounded and his Discord window showed him that Shouyou had messaged him:

2:27 PM **crows-are-awesome** hi!!

**crows-are-awesome** i didn’t know u played osu!!

2:29 PM **kodzuken** i’m just killing time

2:29 PM **crows-are-awesome** wanna see something funny?

2:30 PM **kodzuken** sure?

2:31 PM **crows-are-awesome** [image]

**crows-are-awesome** this is kageyama

Upon opening the file, Kenma was greeted by a volleyball which had an angry face and dark forelocks drawn on it with a marker. It was on the floor, next to a carton of milk. A paper in the shape of a speech bubble indicated that the ball was shouting ‘boke!!’.

2:33 PM **kodzuken** has he seen it yet?

2:34 PM **crows-are-awesome** not yet

**crows-are-awesome** oh he’s here now

**crows-are-awesome** this is gonna be funsdfghjk

2:42 PM **kodzuken** shouyou?

**kodzuken** you here?

No answer came, and Kenma was left to his own devices for most of the day, until Kuroo came in. ‘Barged in’ would be more suitable though, since Kuroo never missed any chance of making a dramatic entrance.

“Kenma.” He sat down next to him on the couch, way too close for comfort. “Guess what happened.”

“You got straight A’s in economics?” He didn’t bother to raise his stare from the playboy’s screen. He knew he was right.

“What? How did you guess?” He brought his face closer to Kenma’s. “Did you ask Bokuto?”

“No,” replied Kenma, pushing away the black-haired menace. “You always get As.” A small smile. “In economics.”

“Ah, but the rest,” Kuroo whined, draping himself over Kenma and making him lose his game. “You should see my averages.”

After trying in vain to shake him off without standing up, Kenma gave up and left his seat. Kuroo unceremoniously slumped face-first into the cushions. Before he could stop himself, Kenma tittered.

“Did you bring any pie?” he asked, leaving Kuroo behind and walking to the kitchen.

Kuroo’s response was muffled by the pillows, but Kenma knew his best friend well enough to decipher it.

“Great.”

He opened the bag and pulled out the holy package.

“Say, how come you were awake at half past one today?” asked Kuroo, who had finally given up his theatrics in favour of poking his nose where he had no business- as usual.

“Went to sleep earlier.” Kenma was already scared of where this conversation was going.

“Hm~ And why, may I ask?” Kuroo was grinning, and Kenma knew that without looking at him. You could _hear_ his smirk.

Kenma gave no reply.

“Oh? _Oh?_ You were talking with Shouyou?” grinned Kuroo, and -damn it- the fiend had guessed right.

Kenma remained silent, which was confirmation enough to Kuroo who started cackling.

“Little Kenma is in _love_ ,” he said, his voice sing-songy and grating on Kenma’s nerves.

“I’m not in love,” he muttered, seriously contemplating kicking out Kuroo- which would only prove the menace’s point.

“Keep telling yourself that,” laughed Kuroo, sitting down at the table and grinning up at Kenma, who purposely avoided his eyes. “You like him, and I haven’t interfered in the slightest!” he exclaimed, grinning.

The cheery expression soon disappeared as he examined his words more closely. Really, he had done nothing. A grin took over his face and Kenma blanched. There was more time to interfere. 

Kuroo _would_ be the one to bring those two together.

“Don’t,” warned Kenma, but Kuroo’s grin only widened.

☼

_Can you like two boys at the same? Or do I, in fact, like either Shouyou or Hinata and I just can’t figure out which one of them it is?_ mused Kenma in the safety of his apartment as soon as Kuroo had ~~been kicked out~~ left.

His face turned red.

 _Ok, ok. I can do this. If I want to ~~not get hurt again~~ be able to properly focus on college, I just need to push these **feelings** deep enough that I won’t encounter them **ever again**_.

Several moments passed.

 _Ok, I think I did it,_ he smiled.

Chiming resounded from his laptop and his conviction was shattered before his eyes as he started furiously blushing again.

_Ugh, just ignore it._

9:30 PM **crows-are-awesome** hey kenma, u there?

_Ignore them, don’t smile, you damn idiot!_

9:32 PM **kodzuken** yeah

**kodzuken** how did it go with your roommate?

9:33 PM **crows-are awesome** he chased me and i tripped over a ladder

**crows-are-awesome** [image]

_What are you freaking out for, you idiot! It’s just an arm!_

_A beautiful arm._

_Just an arm!_

_Shouyou’s arm._

_Yea- no, no! Just an arm!_

9:37 PM **kodzuken** must’ve been a nasty fall

9:38 PM **crows-are-awesome** totally worth it!!

**crows-are-awesome** noya-san filmed the whole thing

**crows-are-awesome** and i’m pretty sure it’s on youtube now haha

**crows-are-awesome** how r u?

9:39 PM **kodzuken** just kicked kuro out

**kodzuken** he wouldn’t stop eating my food i had to

9:40 PM **crows-are-awesome** you and kuroo are close?

9:41 PM **kodzuken** yeah i guess

**kodzuken** i mean i’ve always known him

9:42 PM **crows-are-awesome** do you

**crows-are-awesome** do you like him?

9:43 PM **kodzuken** ew no

**kodzuken** gross

**kodzuken** i like someone else anyway

_Oh shit. Oh, sweet God. Oh no. **Oh no**. What am I doing? Oh no, oh no. Oh, this is bad. Do I confess? No, no, no._

9:47 PM **crows-are-awesome** ooh, do i know them?

_Yes, it’s you._

9:50 PM **kodzuken** nah, i don’t think so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote 'kuroo' as 'kuro' on purpose, since that's how kenma says his name (in the anime at least?? there are many manga translations so i'm not sure there)

“Kuro.”

The laughter on the other side of the line did not cease.

“ _Kuro_ ,” insisted Kenma.

A snort interrupted the snickering, then the sound resumed, even louder than before.

“You-” He gasped for breath. “You- I can’t believe you actually did that,” tittered the fiend, ignoring Kenma’s whined protests.

“ _Kuro_.” It was as close to pleading Kenma would get.

“All right, all right,” Kuroo sighed and Kenma could almost _see_ him dragging his hand through his hair. “What do you want me to do? Do you want me to come over?”

After casting a quick glance around him and being greeted by the sight of the beautiful afternoon light gloriously shining over his leftover cup ramens and some erratic socks here and there, Kenma was sure that he _did not_ want Kuroo to come over.

“No,” he murmured, pushing himself deeper into the couch’s cushions. From the side, only the tip of his nose was now visible.

“Ah,” was the only thing Kuroo said, and Kenma knew him well enough to be aware that his friend was now plotting something. It was a strange feeling, but he actually felt relieved. At least there was _one _constant in his now-chaotic days. “Uh, Bokuto’s just come over, I need to hang up. Is that ok?”__

__He murmured a small assent, then let himself fall on his side and pull up his knees against his chest. He remained in that position for several minutes before a loud sound coming from outside startled him into sitting up._ _

__Pushing himself off the rim of the couch, Kenma stood up and headed to the balcony. The air was cool against the heated skin of his cheeks and the apple trees below his balcony were still in full bloom, their petals scattering and landing on his balcony._ _

__The previous sound recurred and Kenma dragged his attention towards its source._ _

__That is, Hinata’s apartment. Only flashes of the boy could be seen, yet they were enough for Kenma to understand somewhat what was going on. His neighbour appeared to be baking, yet he was doing so in such a disorganised and hurried way that he could’ve just as easily been doing something completely different._ _

__For example, trying to wreck his kitchen in as little time as possible._ _

__Or trying to paint every inch of it in flour. The dust had even reached the ceiling, floating around in heavy clouds that, from time to time, made Hinata sneeze._ _

__It was sudden. One second, Hinata was holding the heavy bag of flour and making his way towards a cupboard, and the next the bag was on the floor and he was hacking his lungs out, then darting for the balcony door quickly enough for Kenma to have no time to even think of running inside._ _

__After several seconds filled with Hinata’s coughing, Kenma was finally noticed. The orange-haired boy instantly straightened his back and turned his coughing into subtle throat-clearing._ _

__“Hi,” Hinata said, and it sounded breathless and did strange things to Kenma’s stomach._ _

__“Hey,” replied the blonde, fully intending to leave it at that, but it seemed that his voice had other intentions. “Need any help?”_ _

__And, damn it, Kenma actually _smirked_. What was he even doing? That, he had no idea. He had given up on understanding his thoughts some time ago, too._ _

__Hinata’s eyes sparkled._ _

__It was then that Kenma knew he was doomed._ _

__

__☼_ _

__

__And that was how, at 8 PM, Kenma was in Hinata’s kitchen baking cookies. Or was it brownies? He had absolutely no idea, and he was fairly certain Hinata was in the same situation. Both of them were just pouring flour in the already way-too-dry mixture. Then they noticed it was too dry, so they added some milk. And so on, until they were left with a large glob of flour, milk, and sugar and no more packages of flour._ _

__“Oh no,” whispered Hinata as he looked at the last bottle of milk, already empty. He huffed a nervous laugh. “I’m totally doomed.”_ _

__“What do you mean?” questioned Kenma, glancing up from where he was poking at the unholy mass of wasted ingredients._ _

__“Do you have any bottles of milk?” asked Hinata, still not giving any reason. Kenma found that he didn’t mind._ _

__“I think so,” he said, hesitating. “Yeah, I have one.”_ _

__He headed for the balcony and jumped over the rail and back onto his own territory. Looking back over his shoulder, he noticed that Hinata was hesitating. Kenma motioned for him to follow, and his neighbour did so._ _

__His apartment was darker than Hinata’s and he found himself glancing around himself, reevaluating his private space as the kind-of-guest followed behind him. It was dirty. And smelled stale. Kenma turned his eyes away from the large pile of empty cups of ramen. It was too late now anyway._ _

__His fridge was gloriously empty when he opened it. A lone bottle of milk towered over some small cans of probably-past-their-due-date tuna salad, which he had bought eons ago, when he’d still believed he would be able to get himself to have a healthy diet. Of course, he had only needed to eat one to realize that he could survive solely on cup ramen and apple pie._ _

__He grabbed the milk bottle and hastily closed the fridge door before Hinata could glimpse its depressing lack of food. Or anything, for that matter._ _

__“Thanks,” smiled Hinata, and suddenly it was bright in the apartment. Who needed lamps when they had the human equivalent of the sun in their home?_ _

__They were both silent as Kenma walked Hinata back to the balcony. Neither of them seemed very bothered by it though, only slightly slowing down their steps as they reached the balcony earlier than expected._ _

__“Oh!” exclaimed Hinata as soon as he had stepped past the rail and was standing with his feet safely on the ground. “I can’t believe I forgot to introduce myself!” He slapped his temple for emphasis then extended the hand forward. “I’m Hinata! It’s nice to meet you!”_ _

__Kenma smiled, and decided not to mention that he already knew his name. He took his hand and shook it._ _

__“I’m Kenma. It’s nice to meet you too.”_ _

__Face suddenly pale, Hinata let go of his hand and took a step back. The darkness of the night surrounding them was too thick for Kenma to tell what expressions were crossing Hinata’s face, but -judging from the erratic small jerks of his body- there were a lot of them._ _

__“Ah,” Hinata’s voice was wispy and frail. He forced a laugh. “Nice to meet you, Kenma. Thanks for the milk. Goodnight then,” he murmured, and he was inside his apartment and closing the door behind him before Kenma could reply._ _

__Confusion filled him, but it was quickly pushed away by giddiness._ _

__Kenma was smiling with the leftover happiness of the day as he closed the door behind him._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))


	6. Chapter 6

It was late when Kageyama entered the apartment. Late enough for him to expect his roommate and best friend to be sleeping. However, as he opened the door to the living room, he was greeted with the startling view of Hinata standing still. 

Such an occurrence was rare enough for it to be peculiar by itself - which was why saying that Kageyama was taken aback would be a severe understatement; because Shouyou wasn’t only standing horribly still, but he was also _reading_.

And what he was reading wasn’t manga or something similar. It was _a philosophy textbook_.

Kageyama started silently inching away and out of the apartment.

All of a sudden, Hinata brusquely whipped his head around to stare at Tobio. With difficulty, Kageyama managed to keep his startled scream in.

The movie they’d watched last week flashed before his eyes. If the boy before him was actually a shapeshifting demon, that would explain a lot.

 _Especially_ the philosophy tome.

Body tense, Kageyama was ready to grab the nearest object that could be used as a weapon and lunge for the changeling; probably bellowing: “Give back Hinata, you demon!”.

But Hinata (or not Hinata?) spoke, and Tobio postponed his decision.

“Kageyama,” he whispered, pale-faced and turning to look at his roommate. His eyes were blank and tired. It would’ve looked hilarious to Kageyama if he hadn’t still been debating whether it was a demon he was facing or just his idiot best friend. “I have a question about morality.”

Not Hinata then. _Prepare to die, demon,_ thought Kageyama as he reached for the nearest somewhat heavy object: a book. Wait a second, a book? He stared at it, confused. Since when did they even _have_ books in their apartment?

“Kageyama,” repeated Hinata, unaware of his friend’s inner tumult. “Do you remember when I was telling you about Kenma?”

 _Remember? Of course I remember,_ Kageyama mentally huffed in indignation. Hinata had been chattering uninterruptedly about his Discord _pal_ (that was the word that Hinata had actually used - who even used that in real life), even during practice; thus earning more than just a couple balls to the face - only some of which were accidental.

“Yeah, I remember,” confirmed Kageyama, dropping all of his plans to attack ~~the alien~~ his roommate when he was faced with the irrefutable proof of his identity: his obsession (not a crush though, mind you) with Kenma.

“And remember our new neighbour? The cute one?”

Kageyama huffed. Cute? The only thing that was cute was winning at volleyball. He didn’t bother correcting Hinata though. The guy was a lost case, anyway. Hinata, that is.

“...Yeah?” He hesitated. “Where are you going with this?”

A puffed exhale and Shouyou’s hand-wringing betrayed his nervousness. Kageyama was mildly concerned, but he waited for the other to continue. Once again, Hinata seemed unable to find a way to express himself. No onomatopoeias left his mouth though. Kageyama was now more than mildly concerned.

“Well, they’re the same person.” The sentence was breathed out and almost too quiet for Kageyama to hear. 

But he did, and (this time) he was the one at a loss for words. What was he even supposed to say?- was what he contemplated as the bright message of ‘Does not compute’ flashed across his mind.

“Uh,” he started, but he didn’t know how to continue. Was Hinata expecting advice? _From **him**?_ “Do you… do you want to make some cookies? Isn’t that what you usually do when you’re stressed?”

A quick glance in the cupboard, and he was greeted by empty shelves. All of the flour had been used up.

“I’ll go buy ingredients,” he declared, slightly frightened by the fact that Shouyou was still silent.

He didn’t hesitate in darting out of the door and into the street. 

It took him a while, but after some rummaging and then a bit more fumbling, he got his phone out of his sports bag. Hesitating for a moment, he turned it on and stared at the screen, which was way too bright for how dark the night was around him. In the end, he dialed and put his phone next to the ear. Then he waited, only the prolonged rings keeping him company.

Sugawara didn’t answer. Kageyama was starting to seriously freak out. He dialed a second number, and this one was a success.

“Kageyama?” questioned Nishinoya, slightly confused. In the background, Tanaka was yelling something about haircuts and Kiyoko-san. Noya didn’t ask him to quiet down. Instead, the noise kept increasing in volume, until Tanaka was also on the phone; this meant that the device was either on speaker, or those two were squishing their faces against one another. Kageyama was leaning towards the second.

“Nishinoya-san, Tanaka-san, I need your help with something,” he said, and he hadn’t even finished before the two had started shouting, smugness evident in their voices. He tuned out their yelling, waiting for it to subside.

It took a while, but in the end they stopped their bragging.

“And what can we help you with, dear kouhai?” inquired Nishinoya, Tanaka still guffawing in the background.

“Actually, I need help with… Hinata needs your help.”

The laughter abruptly stopped.

“Did he say that? Is he OK?” asked the two at the same time.The questions were expressed differently and thus only balderdash was heard on the Kageyama’s end of the line. He got the idea though.

“He’s OK, I just think he could use your advice on something. It’s better if he’s the one who explains,” murmured Kageyama and it wasn’t long before he heard hurried stomping and Nishinoya and Tanaka were running towards him. The line still hadn’t gone dead - they’d forgotten to hang up.

Kageyama ended the call and continued walking to the convenience store to buy cookie ingredients. The duo charged past him, only sparing him a quick glance.

Noya and Tanaka reached the apartment in record time. Not bothering to knock, they barged in and, mustering whatever remains of composure they had left, crossed their arms and smugly grinned at Hinata, who was looking at them slightly confusedly.

They were still panting after the sprint.

“So-” started Nishinoya.

“-your senpais are here to give you advice!” finished Tanaka.

“Uh,” he waited for their breathing to return to normal. Knowing better than to say something regarding their dignity and whatnot, he explained the situation.

After hearing him out, Tanaka adopted a thoughtful pose. He was even caressing his nonexistent beard. Noya mirrored him.

“So; if I understood correctly - and I did - this guy, Kenny? Kento? K…”

“Kenma,” intervened Hinata, starry-eyed as he stared at his seniors. Their advice had always been precious to him, he didn’t want to miss anything. 

“So you like him, and he rejected you-”

“He didn’t reject me!” A pause, then he realized he’d forgotten something. “And I don’t like him!”

A pitiful glance that said _Yeah, sure._

“And he rejected you.” He paused. “Wait a minute, wait a minute!” He turned to face Nishinoya. “He rejected our dear kohai!” He waited for a moment for Noya to catch on, then continued. “We need to beat him up! How dare he hurt the sunshine of our team- er, I mean Hinata!” he exclaimed, gesturing to Shouyou, who immediately intervened.

“No, no, senpai!” Hearing the word, Tanaka’s smugness levels at once increased. “I just need advice!”

“OK, OK.”

And then came his terrible idea: “Why not see this as a second chance? If he doesn’t know it’s you, you can make him like you as a real person! He hasn’t rejected you!”

“Uwooh! That’s an amazing idea!”

Tanaka started laughing, and Noya ruffled Shouyou’s hair. The orange-haired boy laughed on, oblivious.

Oblivious to the chaos to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! i have great plans for this fic, but lately it's been really chaotic in my head, so i'm taking a small break from it so i can get everything in order (and write oneshots for kenhina week haha)  
> i _will_ continue it; but probably after the 20th of may? yeah. sorry for this and thank you for reading!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you mean it's been four months since the promised update?
> 
> me, while on hiatus, watching my (mental) health nosedive, crawl back up, then splatter against the concrete: hahaha..haha...ha..ha..ha  
>  ~~i don't know if i'm joking~~  
> 
> 
> i think that is should mention that if you're here from sunshine in a cup you should keep in mind that this is going to be more serious. still lots of fluff though, since i'm an absolute sucker for soft kenhina

“Urghhh,” came Kenma’s voice from where he was buried underneath layers upon layers of blankets. Far too warm for summer, to be sure, but he was too far past lazy to do anything about it.

Hearing a knock, Kenma groggily blinked at the door and slightly lifted his head. Probably not Kuroo, since he’d most likely have simply barged in, giving zero shits about Kenma’s so-called “privacy.”

“...Kenma?” That was certainly _not_ Kuroo. Hinata knocked again, this time slightly more urgent. “Are you OK? I heard some groaning, do you want me to come in?”

Kenma grimaced, glancing down at his wrinkled blouse. Really, he wasn’t ready for a visit. 

“I’m OK, Hinata. I’ll be there in a sec.” Stepping over piles of unwashed laundry, he made his way towards the door. Upon opening it, he was greeted by Hinata’s dazzling smile as the red-head cheerfully handed him a basket of cookies. 

“I brought some cookies as a thank you for the other day!” His face took a slight shift in the direction of a pout and Kenma internally aww-ed. Kenma forced his face into a more neutral expression, hoping Hinata hadn’t noticed. “The ones we made together were completely ruined though; these are from Yachi-san!”

“...Yachi-san?”

“My friend! She’s the manager of my… uh. Club!” Weird. But his grin widened, and Kenma dimly wondered if, if you left Hinata alone, he’d just keep widening his grin until the whole world burned before his smile.

Not that bad a fate, thought Kenma, attempting to keep the fondness off his face.

“What’re your plans today, Kenma?” asked Hinata, shifting his weight restlessly. Kenma subtly shifted his body so it blocked the inside of his apartment from view. One time was fine, but if Hinata saw the mess inside two times in a row then Kenma’d surely come across as a complete slob.

(He totally was, but Hinata didn’t need to know that.)

“Uh, dunno. I’ll probably be gaming the whole day. Maybe do some assignments for the game design course I’m taking,” he murmured, uncomfortable under Hinata’s dazzling gaze.

“Wanna come to the park in like half an hour?” breathed out Hinata, freezing for a moment and looking uncharacteristically out of breath.

“Sure,” replied Kenma and smiled back. Hinata waved and shouted a goodbye as he hurriedly dashed down the hallway. Kenma stared after him until he was out of sight, then closed the door and, with his back against it, slid down to the ground.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, holding his head in his hands, his decision just then catching up to him. Anxiety roared through his veins and his ears were pounding. Cold enveloped the bottom of his stomach, just above his gut.

He was going to be sick.

☼

“Aaaah!” screamed Hinata, his head swallowed by the mountain of pillows on his back, towering over him. By his side, Kageyama idly placed one last pillow on the structure, its balance precarious. He smiled slightly as he leaned back to admire his handiwork. 

“Shouyou,” sighed Noya from where he was crouched in front of the couch. Tanaka was sitting on said couch, his hands in the shorter boy’s hair as he bleached in the lightning-shaped strand. “Weren’t you supposed to be trying to woo him?”

“Mfmmmfm,” sounded Hinata’s muffled voice. Nishinoya nodded sagely. 

“I understand your concerns, Shouyou,” he replied, hands crossed in his lap and legs tucked beneath him. His face was serious and wise, only twitching when Tanaka accidentally let one of the damp strands of hair fall in his face. He said nothing though, not disrupting his aura as he graciously let Tanaka right his mistake by pulling the hair back out of his face. 

Hinata lifted his head to look at him, the pile of pillows swaying dangerously; lurching forward, Kageyama righted them before they could fall.

“But,” continued Nishinoya, leaning forward conspiratorially (Tanaka leaned forward with him, hands still in his hair), “this is your one chance, Shouyou. If you fail to steal- ahem, _earn_ \- his heart before he finds out that “Hinata” is “Shouyou”, there won’t be another opportunity to do so.”

“Cinderella,” Tanaka whispered in Nishinoya’s ear.

“You’re like Cinderella!” Nishinoya told Hinata, proudly puffing out his chest. 

“...Cinderella,” whispered Hinata, his eyes slowly widening. He suddenly jumped out of his bed and stood up, toppling over the pillows and ignoring Kageyama’s distressed wince. “Cinderella!”

Grinning madly, Nishinoya also jumped to his feet, making Tanaka fall back on the couch. He remained there, not bothering to try and resume his task until Hinata was out the door. “Yes, Cinderella!” He pointed to Hinata, then the door. “Now go, Cinderella, and get your Prince Charming!” he shouted, his eyes sparkling.

Hinata lunged for the door, hollering agitatedly, “Cinderella!!”

“HAHAHA- ow, Tanaka, bro, why’re you pulling my hair like that- dude, it _hurts_!”

☼

_...I hate hate hate hate-_

A pause for a sharp intake of breath.

_-hate hate hate hate-_

…

_-hate summer so much._

Glaring murderously at the early summer sun, Kenma tried to step deeper into the non-existent shade. However, there was no “deeper”, so his only option was remaining in the weak shade of the apple tree.

He was severely regretting agreeing to Hinata’s invitation, but it was too late to back out now. 

Well.

It technically wasn’t; he’d cancelled at the last moment so many times, and people generally understood. But then there were also those who didn’t, and took it personally. And he couldn’t afford to scare away Hinata, the first new person to be genuinely interested in him in such a long time- because there probably wouldn’t be someone else for quite a while. For a very long while.

Who was he even kidding- he’d probably be a middle-aged adult by then, and well past his prime (due to his unhealthy habits, a fact which he would never admit out loud).

Even if he _was_ very much oblivious to social cues and norms, Kenma wasn’t oblivious in this one situation. He did know that he was on a date. 

(Partly due to Kuroo texting him that, but after all this time Kuroo was like an extension of his mind- it was as if Kenma had texted himself that particular fact.)

“Hey,” sounded someone behind Kenma and he turned to look at Hinata, who was twitching where he stood. He seemed even more nervous than Kenma, which was weird because ‘nervous’ was already part of Kenma’s identity. It was really hard to be more nervous than him.

“Hi,” he answered, trying to smile but only managing to grimace as the branches moved in the wind, shifting the shade and letting sunlight properly slaughter Kenma’s retinas.

“You ready?” asked Hinata, and wow he was _really_ anxious; he was tucking his hair behind his ears for the third time already.

...Was he hiding something?

“Sure,” smiled Kenma, trying to keep his suspicions in check. There was no reason to doubt Hinata, although he _was_ acting quite strangely.

Bouncing excitedly, Hinata motioned for Kenma to follow him with a small, self-conscious gesture as if he wanted to grab Kenma’s hand but didn’t quite dare. Anxiety reared its scaled head inside him, but Kenma forced his hand to stand completely still.

_Don’t push him away. You won’t get another chance. No one will be interested any time soon, you absolute disgrace._

In the end Hinata didn’t grab hold of his hand.

☼

They’d been in the park for two hours, Kenma had noticed Kuroo hiding in the bushes an hour and fifty-five minutes ago. However, he’d given no indication of noticing the intruder, instead behaving as usual; he’d _so_ hold this over Kuroo’s head later though, if needed.

(In fact, knowing Kuroo, he’d probably need it quite soon.)

Out of the two hours, more than an hour and a half had been spent at the fair held in the tourist-y section of the park. Hinata was idling before a shooting booth, eyes glimmering excitedly.

But then he scrunched up his face, forced his eyes away and the energetic excitement seeped out of him.

Why was he acting so strangely?

It was the tenth time Kenma had asked himself that since they’d gone out, and his sinking feeling that Hinata was hiding something had become more of a certainty.

He just needed to find out what exactly it was.

“Hinata,” he started, eyes slightly widening in surprise when the ginger flinched, startled. “Why are you acting weird?”

“Me…?” Hinata laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not acting weird…” Eyes still wide and startled, he laughed again, and this time it was so obviously fake that Kenma internally cringed. 

Whatever. If he didn’t want to tell Kenma, it was none of his business. 

(Not that Kenma deserved to be entrusted with stuff like this. Or possessed any proper understanding of human understanding. His ex had made that clear enough when they’d parted ways- and during their relationship, too.)

It was Hinata’s decision if he wanted to tell him; maybe it wasn’t even that important. Maybe he was just coming down with a cold. Kenma’s nose wrinkled in disgust before he could stop himself- he really hated colds. So gross.

But this was Hinata, and he was (kind of) cute, and if he was coming down with something and needed someone to take care of him, Kenma wouldn’t mind _that_ much.

His phone buzzed and Kenma, out of force of habit, instantly took it out and looked at the screen. It was Kuroo, asking if Kenma was having fun, as if he hadn’t been hiding in the shrubbery for the past two hours.

The first thing that Kenma felt was disappointment, then sudden guilt. Disappointment because it wasn’t Shouyou. And guilt because he was on a freaking date right now, _for god’s sake_. With Hinata, who was cute and warm and fuzzy and comfortable, and there was something missing-

No.

Everything was fine.

“Hinata, wanna play something?” asked Kenma, because he really couldn’t handle Hinata’s fidgeting anymore. The boy nodded excitedly and Kenma slightly smiled, amused.

He really was cute.

But then why did something feel… wrong? Like something was missing?

“Kenma, let’s play this one!” called Hinata, grinning as he stared into the mini-basketball booth.

Oh, whatever. Kenma was probably just imagining things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is an early update because i could no longer wait until monday... next update will be on 31...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> millions of thank-you's to all of you who leave a comment or kudos-ed my fic!! you all be making my kokoro go _nyoom_
> 
> on a side note, you can truly just _feel_ my writing assimilate elements of markus zusak's brilliant writing style.

“Kenma!”

Hinata was on the balcony, leaning over the edge, with bright hair, bright eyes and a toothy grin; Kenma found himself smiling too. Abandoning the chore he’d gotten started on (the old laundry pile in his room was a lost cause anyway), he approached the balcony.

“Yeah?”

Leaning on the rail, Kenma traced with his eyes the sunny halo around Hinata’s head; then lowered his gaze and found himself making eye contact with the sun itself. Except the sun seemed to be shy today, his stare flitting nervously; like a dragonfly, it settled on Kenma’s hair, nose, forehead, (everywhere except his eyes), then darted away.

It was warm and Kenma fidgeted in the sunlight.

Hinata’s eyes finally settled on a spot just behind Kenma.

“Wanna hang out today?”

The question was breathed out and feeble. It was almost swallowed by the screeching cicadas, but Kenma caught it and smiled; Hinata shifted and grinned, his eyes still avoiding Kenma’s.

“Great! I’ll be there at three, after I’m finished with-” He stumbled and for a moment he was silent. Kenma stared questioningly at him and Hinata backtracked. “Uh. After I come back.”

A nervous grin. The heat poked and prodded at Kenma and set Hinata’s hair aflame.

“OK…?” Kenma gave him a smile. Hinata remained frozen for a few moments before snapping back to his senses and scrambling off.

The door to the balcony was slammed and, from behind the glass, Hinata waved cheerfully at him. Like the hurricane he truly was, he turned and was out in a flash of orange.

Kenma hadn’t gotten to wave back.

It was two-thirty in the afternoon and the sun was unbearably hot.

It filtered through the curtains, slithering like a poisonous snake over the floor and over Kenma’s calves, scorching them. He gave a hiss and fidgeted, but didn’t have the energy to move over from his position.

The laptop lay open in front of him, the pointer on the blank page blinking accusingly at him.

Heaving a deep sigh, Kenma turned over, using his toes to grope for a blanket and pull it over his burning legs. He stared at the ceiling, the room silent and empty around him.

He was so alone.

It was deafening.

Like the fool he was, he almost expected the phone to give an excited ping and rouse him from his rut. He even turned his head to stare at it, squinting his eyes as the curtains shifted in the breeze and the sun settled idly over his face.

Ever the companion in his solitude, the phone stayed silent.

Annoyed at himself, Kenma pushed himself into a sitting position. Why should he be wallowing in self-pity? There was always the option of going out with the whole group- Kuroo and Bokuto and Akaashi and-

A shudder. Frigid anxiety grabbed at him and pulled him right back down. Kenma laid on the floor again.

Oh.

He couldn’t hang out with everybody, could he? Not really. He didn’t enjoy it, and his crippling fear wouldn’t really allow him to socialize normally, even if he wanted to.

Which he didn’t. Really.

His phone was still by his side, as silent as during the past hours. Pushing aside what feeling usually stopped him from doing this, Kenma unlocked it and opened Discord. His chat with Shouyou was the second in his history, right after a cat meme from Kuroo.

**2:35 PM kodzuken** shouyou, are you here?

Kenma was terribly cold in spite of the sunlight that every so often slammed bodily into him and seared his skin. Sudden regret reared its frozen head and brushed against the ceiling of Kenma’s insides.

He dropped the phone and decidedly looked away from it. Out the window, towards the apple trees which swayed gently in the breeze; out the window, out of sight, out of mind.

But when the phone chimed in response, there was no time for a flash of hesitation before Kenma had grabbed the phone and entered the chat again.

**2:38 PM crows-are-awesome** kenma!!! hi!!  
**2:38 PM crows-are-awesome** what’s up??  
**2:39 PM** **crows-are-awesome** are you ok??

Completely fine. Definitely not undergoing an existential crisis.

**2:39 PM kodzuken** yeah, i’m fine... just wanted to chat, if that’s ok

 **2:42 PM crows-are-awesome** oh  
**2:42 PM crows-are-awesome** yeah for sure!! just not right now haha, i’m in volleyball practice,,  
**2:42 PM crows-are-awesome** is tonight ok??

 **2:43 PM kodzuken** sure, see you then.

 **2:44 PM crows-are-awesome** o(≧∇≦o) great!!!

The phone then fell silent; its silence spread from it into the whole apartment, enveloping everything in its smothering pressure. All was tense. All was empty.

But Kenma now had something to look forward to, so he minded none of it.

It was perhaps fifteen minutes later that Hinata arrived, his knock a sharp stab in the silence. It tore through the thick tension like through a blanket, and all Kenma was left with were the remains of the anxiety; he pushed them back, suppressed them and buried them under a thick trapdoor deep inside his mind.

“Hi,” breathed Hinata when Kenma opened the door. (The trapdoor shuddered but Kenma stepped on it and shut it tight.)

His hair was wet. It dripped onto Kenma’s welcome mat, leaving behind darkened stains. But Kenma wasn’t one to bother with such things, so he just stepped aside and gestured for Hinata to enter. (He subtly glanced outside; it was sunny- nowhere close to raining.)

Glad that he’d had the time to tidy up for once, Kenma made his way to the living room, surreptitiously pushing the console out of the way.

Hinata’s eyes followed his every movement.

His hair was still dripping wet, and the rug was starting to darken around his feet.

“Here,” said Kenma as he handed him a towel. Hinata smiled gratefully and energetically toweled his hair, earning a wince from Kenma at the violence of the motion. When he was done, Hinata handed the damp cloth back to him; it now smelled like tangerines and Kenma fought the impulse to bury his whole face in it. Instead he put it back in the bathroom.

Air thick with awkwardness around the two of them, they hesitated. Hinata was obviously restless; although his body was still, his eyes were darting around the room, hungrily drinking in every detail.

“So.” Sitting down on the sofa, Kenma patted the spot next to him; Hinata sat down, his leg bouncing agitatedly. “What do you want to do?”

He cringed. Wasn’t he the host? Hinata was probably expecting him to do the hosting.

“Wanna watch a movie?” asked the ginger and Kenma had a terrible sense of deja-vu. But it was quickly gone and he nodded. “What do you have here...” wondered Hinata as he kneeled on the ground and started rifling through his DVD collection. “... ‘The Nun’? What’s that?”

Kenma grinned and Hinata quickly looked away from him. “Horror. Think you can handle it?”

If Kenma had been properly paying attention, he would’ve noticed Hinata’s shoulders tense up for a brief moment, as if he was suppressing some part of him. But he wasn’t looking that attentively, so he missed it. Instead, Hinata inserted the DVD and the two of them sat down on the sofa; uncomfortably; so very uncomfortably.

Kenma didn’t realize the reason for it until from the movie erupted the sudden din of bells and Hinata flinched violently. Shifting his attention away from the movie and the chase scene (which was so fake that he cringed every time), Kenma turned to face his companion; his face had turned white, and Kenma was pretty sure he could hear Hinata’s teeth chatter.

He hit pause. “You OK?” he asked Hinata, trying to keep the condescending smirk off his face. No bad intentions, that was just how he was.

A nod, but unconvincing. “I can handle it,” whispered the boy.

“Really?” This time the grin was audible.

“Huh?” Hinata turned to him and noticed his expression. He instantly squared his shoulders and grinned defyingly. “Of course! I’m not a coward!”

But it turned out he was, at least regarding horror movies. For about twenty minutes later he was pressed flush against Kenma, trembling. From the TV erupted hoarse screaming as the possessed man bellowed in pain; Hinata flinched and buried his face in Kenma’s shoulder. The blond decidedly ignored the flicker of satisfaction inside of him, but didn’t manage to keep his smile off his features.

Which didn’t matter all that much, since Hinata’s face remained buried in the side of his neck well after the end of the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i mean no offense towards those who enjoyed the nun. it's just. so bad. so bad that it's actually enjoyable? yea, weird.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comments everyone! i hope i'll be able to keep updating weekly, but i haven't been able to write lately so apologies if i post later than intended haha  
> also, those of you who start school/uni/work, PLEASE stay safe and wear a mask. please. please wear a mask and wash your hands.  
> i hope everyone's safe <3

Kenma’s eyes were stinging - and it wasn’t even that late. A quick glance away from the console told him it was 3 a.m.

Early. Or late. It all depended on who you asked.

Blinking away the blurriness from his eyes, Kenma tried to focus back on the game, but the mood was gone. He just stopped moving his fingers, cooly watching the character on-screen meet a bloody end. Aside from the deep anxiety writhing within his guts, there was a glorious lack of any feeling inside him; just cold (forced, unnatural) indifference as he avoided looking towards his phone.

Displayed on its screen was the latest message from his parents, he knew. A request for him to come home and stop being the disappointment they had all grown accustomed to thinking him as. 

But what could he even do?  _ Born a disappointment, live as a disappointment, _ his churning insides whispered.

And Kenma knew they were right. He knew that-

A ping. Startled, Kenma turned towards his open laptop. A Discord notification- he clicked on it- a message from Shouyou. 

Warmth bloomed inside Kenma, taking root inside the churning fear and making it settle down. For a while, the ocean inside Kenma grew still and silent. Then, the waves once more started lapping, but were, for once, warm and pleasantly excited.

Kenma smiled and opened the chat.

3:00 A.M.  **crows-are-awesome:** kenma!! why are you online??? shouldn’t you be sleeping???

3:01 A.M.  **kodzuken:** you’re awake too.

3:02 A.M.  **crows-are-awesome:** oh

3:02 A.M.  **crows-are-awesome:** you’re right haha

3:03 A.M.  **kodzuken:** don’t you have training tomorrow? shouldn’t you be sleeping?

3:04 A.M.  **crows-are-awesome:** i guess i do  (*꧆▽꧆*)

3:05 A.M.  **crows-are-awesome:** i should go to sleep if i don’t want kageyama to hit me again...

3:06 A.M.  **crows-are-awesome:** cya tmrw!!

3:07 A.M.  **kodzuken:** good night.

  
  


Kenma was once more left alone with his thoughts and the phone sitting on the couch, stuffed underneath the pillow, but still visible from where Kenma was standing.

It wouldn’t buzz now, but tomorrow it would for sure. 

He wouldn’t be able to postpone it forever.

A loud crash sounded and Kenma, not even surprised anymore, glanced towards Hinata’s apartment. The lights were on, and the two roommates were once more running around the apartment, yelling at each other.

Kenma turned on his phone and deleted the messages from his parents.

For now, he’d let himself forget about them. He’d let himself be happy.

  
  
  


Hinata fidgeted restlessly, attempting to keep his nervous energy reigned in. Beside him, Kageyama shot a glare his way, and Hinata (wrongly) interpreted it as a command for him to be still.

_ (Be normal, you idiot. Calm down. _

_ Leave me alone.) _

Breath stuck somewhere between his second and third rib, Hinata stilled and continued staring down the road. There was still some time until Kenma and him were supposed to meet, but one can never be too careful.

Nishinoya’s words lingered in the front of his mind, not letting anything else coalesce except a nebulous and suffocating sense of anxiety. 

_ Make sure he doesn’t recognise you, Shouyou, _ he’d told him and Hinata had dutifully nodded. Everything had been taken care of. He’d tucked away the recognizable (vital) part of himself, so there was no way Kenma would find out he was Shouyou.

(Still, there was something lurking inside him, whispering to him  _ You’re wrong _ \- but it was swallowed up by the whirlwind that lived inside Shouyou Hinata.)

Kageyama nudged him- Kenma had just entered the street, his attention solely on his phone. Narrowly missing a lighting pole, he turned towards them.

Hinata dimly wondered how he could stare at his phone and see his surroundings at the same time.

-

Forcing himself to pocket his phone, Kenma lifted his eyes to look at Hinata. His air was as bright as always, yet there was something unmistakably dimmer about his aura; he was all tense and  _ wrong _ and he was  _ hiding something- _

(The forceful and strong memory of a boy smiling at him as if nothing was wrong, then spouting ugly truths when all was over. Liar. Deceiver. Kenma’s fault.)

-Kenma shook it off and hastily looked away from Hinata. The boy wilted like a flower away from sunlight, but Kenma didn’t notice it, focusing on keeping his breathing controlled and steady.

It’d help no one if he had a panic attack right there and then.

“Hey!” called Hinata, and Kenma abruptly noticed that he’d been strangely silent until then.

_ (Wrong wrong wrong wrong) _

Kenma’s phone buzzed with a message from his parents. It burned hotly enough that Kenma flinched. Yet his anxiousness remained tightly coiled around it, scorched and charred.

Seemed that there was no way for him to forget about it after all.

“Hey,” replied Kenma, lungs tight and aching.

(The phone burned burned  _ burned _ )

Kageyama’s phone chimed and Kenma visibly flinched. If he’d noticed, Hinata remained weirdly silent and unprying. 

**_(Wrong)_ **

“I’m going now,” announced Kageyama before walking off without another word. It was just the two of them now.

Kenma really wanted to talk to Shouyou.

The thought hit him like a truck, violent and sudden. Then he lay there unmoving, the remains of his self deceit pooling around him, bloodred and impossible to ignore.

He couldn’t let this go on like this.

He needed to come clean.

Hating himself just a bit more than usual, Kenma forced himself to look in Hinata’s direction. Just barely, eye contact was too much. “Hinata, there’s something I need to tell you.”

A slight widening of his eyes, as if Hinata was catching on and didn’t really like that. He smiled brightly and it burned Kenma. “Sure.” He motioned for Kenma to follow him and the two of them sat down on a nearby bench.

Kenma was cold.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he breathed, looking away from Hinata when his eyes widened, surprised. “It isn’t fair to you.”

Hinata was deathly silent and it scared Kenma. When he’d been stealing glances towards his apartment, the ginger had seemed a completely different person. 

Maybe it was Kenma’s fault.

(It always was.)

“There’s someone else I like. He’s very similar to you, but… not really.” His finger itched for his phone, to fidget with his phone case. He dug them in the folds of his pants and forced himself to go on. “And I can’t do this if there’s someone else that I like. I might not even have any chance with him, since we only talk online, but…” 

He felt Hinata violently flinch next to him.

“...What’s his name?” his voice was feeble, and there was something strange in it that Kenma couldn’t recognise.

“...Shouyou.”

Hinata sharply inhaled, and Kenma was more confused than ever. Both were silent for a moment, before Hinata brusquely took out his phone, scrolled through it and pushed it into Kenma’s hands.

Before him lay open the chat.  _ Their _ chat.

“I’m Shouyou. My name’s Shouyou Hinata.” Kenma could hear him smiling, hopeful and bright.

But it seemed that not even the sun could thaw the ice that Kenma was currently encased in. Memories flashed before his eyes, painful and violent.

… Why did everyone always lie to him?

Sick. He felt sick. A shudder rocked his frame and Kenma hastily stood up, swaying dangerously. Bile rose up in his mouth, but he pushed it down.

(Down down down down into the ocean already raging inside him.)

“Kenma…? Are you OK?” Hinata stood up and lifted a hand to comfortingly pat Kenma’s back. But the blond flinched away.

Kenma’s eyes were wide and cold when he looked at him. Something on Hinata’s face fractured, and Kenma suddenly felt like crying.

Self-hatred writhed inside him, lapped against his insides. 

He couldn’t do this.

His mouth tasted bitter and it burned. “... I can’t do this.”

As Hinata’s eyes widened even further, Kenma turned and ran.

  
  
  


(Several blocks away, out of view, he stopped running and bent over, panting. His insides burned and he wanted to throw up; his skin though was deathly cold.

It all felt so wrong, so much like a fever dream. As if he’d never left behind his memories, never left behind his parents, never left behind the boy who’d lied. Never left.

His phone buzzed. It was his parents, asking when he was coming home.

The ocean inside Kenma tumbled and turned; it whispered in his ear what the ultimate method of self-punishment would be.

_ Tomorrow,  _ he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm over on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sstef815) if you wanna @/dm/reply. i'm almost always online and excited to meet new ppl. most of my tweets are kgpr or some sort of midnight epiphanies haha

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment maybe??


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